Monday, February 1, 2010

The following are acceptable amounts for Moon Money.

  • 100 Billion Dollars
  • 17 Trillion Dollars
  • 800 Billion Dollars
  • 5 Moon Dollars
Exchange rate: 1 Moon Dollar = 200,000,000,000 USD

Things that are less important than the moon

Alright, Mr. President, I've looked over your budget. The following are less important than the moon money:




BREAKING: NASA still has a budget

Alright, alright, alright... some of you are probably saying to yourself:
"But [Dr.] Dru, didn't you read the actual article you posted? Don't you see that there is still a huge amount of money going to NASA? Don't you actually see that the title is very misleading about saying we won't go back to the moon? Is this why you didn't get a real doctorate and just a self proclaimed [doctorate], because you didn't read carefully?"
And to those people I say:
  1. I did read the article, fuck you very much, I'm an EXPERT.
  2. I see that there's a large portion of money going to Space exploration and that Obama's team has expressly pointed out that the particular budget they were cutting is just one program that was running late and overbudget.
  3. CNN is never misleading. Not while Anderson Cooper is around.
  4. 9 out of 10 "actual" doctors that I've threatened believe my [doctorate] to be legit.
Let me be clear: I AM STILL ANGRY! Any money taken away from the chance that I might live in a moon hole makes me angry. This includes the national budget, NASA research funding and the savings account I have called "Moon Fund for a Moon House and possibly to raise a Moon Baby with my Moon Wife." I know what you're thinking... and you're being racist. A mixed Moon marriage should NEVER be looked down on.

And I should know. I just decided I'm an [expert on civil rights, exclusively on the moon].

Obama's Budget

Well. February 1st, 2010... the day that will live in infamy as the day that Barack Obama refused to give scientists and [scientists] like me the money we need to GO TO THE MOON AGAIN!


Mr. Obama, I've trusted you. I've stood by you, mostly because I think we come from similar pasts. I didn't earn my [doctorate] from those high and mighty "universities" with "grades" and "distinguished professors." No. I learned my Astronomy from the mother fucking streets. I'm a Astronomer of the people. Like you... sure you went to huge schools but you weren't involved in any of this inside baseball Washington bullshit... you learned your politics with the people. You're a man of the people. We're two peas in a pod, Barack. Obama and [Dr.] Johnston.

So let's get real here... where's our moon money? Why isn't the president of the people giving us the money we need to send 3 of our kind to the moon? What good is "job creation" going to do if we can't be on the moon? What good is "defense" if we can't sleep knowing that the moon is there.

Where's our moon money, Barack? Where's our moon money?